Starting Over (again!) -- a story of pride & being enough.

3.12 miles. What was once just a warm-up is today a wrangled win.

Two years ago, I was an avid runner. Well... if avid means running when it wasn’t too cold, or too hot, or too windy, or ideally with the wind at my back in all directions. Not to mention, I am not fast. Turtles pass me.

I hadn’t run much more than a step most of my adult life, but 10 years ago, through the encouragement of my sweet friends, we signed up for a 5K. It was my very first. I was 37 and had five kids. They were 2-13 at the time. My body was familiar with giving birth and nurturing my young. It was not used to exercise or exertion beyond hauling laundry.

But that 1st 5K lit something within me that I’ve tried to keep from burning out for a decade. My fitness accountability friends kept me challenged. Run faster, run farther, run more often. (They were relentless!) In 2021 at age 45, I was at the top of my running game! I participated and finished in the Rivertown Races Half Marathon. It was still drenched in Covid precautions, so it felt strange and anti-climactic in some ways. It’s remarkable how a cheering section along the path keeps you going when you can’t fathom keeping stride. Well, that wasn’t allowed. Nor were spectators. Thankfully, I raised a few rule benders who showed up on the route and welcomed me at the finish.

Later that year was a 10-mile Bridge Run that I ran with a very dear soul I’m proud to call a friend. He signed up on a whim and did the challenging work of training, mostly running in the Oklahoma humidity. Doing this all while he grieved a significant loss. His was an accomplishment I’ll never forget witnessing.

But sometime after that, my running game started to dissolve. 

I started seminary and found it much more challenging to etch out time for running or any physical fitness.  It felt like I traded athleticism for academia. I handed in my stability-control-big-footed running shoes for NT Wright’s The New Testament In Its World. 

So here I am, starting over once again.  I AM SO TIRED OF STARTING OVER! (More on mid-life transitions in future posts) 

But today.

Today I was reminded:

“You’re Enough” 

I don't struggle with low-self esteem, but I do struggle with pride. I set standards for myself that must be reached; anything less is a total hack job! 😂  Finding worth in crowning achievement and wild success was my jam. Until my achievements became vanilla and mediocre.  

But today.

I went for a run and I came face to face with my pride and measure of enoughness.
One of my favorite modern hymns is:  My Worth Is Not In What I Own and the lyrics express... 

My worth is not in what I own
Not in the strength of flesh and bone
But in the costly wounds of love
At the cross

I am enough when I run a 12-minute mile, I am enough when I have to Google how to write an annotated bibliography, I am enough when I dropped the ball big time at work, I am enough when my kids are hurting, I am so enough as a woman in a man's world, I am enough when I am not where I want to be physically and spiritually.  And friends, SO ARE YOU! 

2 Corinthians 3:5 says, Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.

We are enough because the absolute finished work of Christ is our enoughness! All I can do or be or produce or achieve is a gracious gift of my Creator. The things of this life, the successes although meaningful and celebratory are not the sum of me. I am a daughter of the King. I rest in that competency. 

My sweet daughter-in-law invited me to run the most (in my opinion) wonderful & cherished 5k around: The Diemer Run.
It was my first 5k ever, and 10 years later I am still putting my foot to the pavement and this one is sure to feel as challenging as the first.  Yes, I am lugging around some extra weight and a head-case full of doubts, but I will start over again. Because this is what we do. Ever changing. Always transforming. Fully enough.

What's your starting over story?